This morning it was ‘Look at Ben…he’s so funny!” as they looked at one of the many Facebook memories we see on a daily basis. Yes, I’m a Facebook user, as are 2 billion other people on this Earth. And thankfully so, because I get to see the memories that I posted in past years…the little things that maybe I wouldn’t have so easily remembered. Those where I would need a photo to recollect that moment from two years ago, or three years ago or when my babies were just tiny little things.

Right after Ben died, I dreaded the photo memories. I didn’t know what I would see each day. But now that the initial devastating shock and sting of his death has lessened and this general sadness has settled in its place, I look forward to the memories. I like to show Colin and Ava what popped up, see their reactions, help them remember their brother. I even click the ‘See More Memories’ option to see what else we were doing on this day from a past year.

Last week, Facebook reminded me of this photo…the one of Colin at just two years old, determined to push his brother, who was unable to walk on his own. I tried to help him steer and he said ‘no mommy’. And it made me think that this single moment from Colin represents how we lived this life, working for Ben, reaching for Ben, determined to push him forward.  And I was suddenly proud of him. Proud that he was determined to help his brother…even at such a young age.

I just hope and pray that as the years go by and Colin and Ava live the life they are meant to, that they can remember, continue to think about and talk about their brother Ben. And that Ben Smiles is still going, has grown and that the triplets are taking an active part in creating this legacy.

Memory ... September 2013, 15 months old

Memory ... September 2014, two years old  

Memory ... Spring 2015, 2.5 years old

Memory ... September 2015, three years old